Author: Martina Frost

Unassisted Home Birth

Posted on by Martina Frost

“Why are we not in a hospital, why are we not in a hospital, oh why are we not in a hospital.”

My husband told me that these same words went through his mind a second time during the birth of our second son. Again, we decided to have a home birth. We planned the birth to take place at the same house, in the same bathtub, as our first born, having it been so successful the first time.

I followed the same birth plan, attended prenatal yoga, and practiced meditation techniques. I relaxed and rested the days leading up to it and prepared the essentials we would need. The one difference was packing a second diaper bag for our oldest son, who would be camping with his grandparents while I had the baby at their home.

I was seven days past my due date. I recall having very mild contractions throughout the day. My husband kept pestering me, asking if these meant the baby was coming. He kept reiterating that he needed an answer so that he could alert his parents. Of course I wasn’t sure but eventually said yes, the baby was coming. We packed the family up and made our way into the city. It was an identical journey to the one we made almost two years previously. I had two contractions on the road. He asked if we could stop at McDonald’s, which we did. And we waited in line forever, while my husband cursed and anxiously wiped at his face.

We arrived at the house at the same time as my husband’s Mom. She took our son with a wish of good luck to us. The day had lingered on but by this time, it was getting late. And the baby was coming. We called our midwife and she informed us that, the same as last time, the barometric pressure had dropped (it was raining) and that many women were going into labour. In fact, both she and the backup midwife were attending other births, and that she would have to send another midwife who was sick with a cold but would make it there in time.

My husband slept on the couch while I watched my favourite funny show and ate all the McDonalds by myself. My water broke around 2 o’clock in the morning. I woke my husband, asking him to pour the bath. He helped me up the stairs as I was under quite a bit of pressure now. He helped me to get into the tub and left to call the midwife again. She was on her way. In the tub, I had one painful contraction and was shocked when I felt the urge to push.

I shouted for my husband to come back, saying the baby was coming. He passed the phone to me so that I could talk to the midwife. She was wonderful, sick as a dog, but still on her way to see me. She told me that if I had the baby in the tub, he would be blue in colour and it would be harder to tell if he was okay. She said it would be best to move to the bed, especially if she didn’t make it in time. She also told me that if we were worried, we could call an ambulance. She estimated that they would arrive the same time as she would. She also told me that if I laid on my side, it would slow the progress of the birth a little, allowing her to make it there on time.

We hung up and my husband transported me to the bed. I recall him asking me if we should call an ambulance. I was tired but still in good spirits, especially since this birth already seemed to be much faster and less painful than last time. I laid on my side as I was told, and let my body keep pushing the baby, without assisting the progress. Five contractions occurred in this position, and  I kept from birthing our son. It was difficult but not impossible. I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever though; it wasn’t painful and I wasn’t too tired, but I was worried it wouldn’t be healthy for my son. My husband watched as I struggled. I could see the torment and shock on his face as he kept straining to hear the sound of a vehicle outside.

Finally, we heard a car pull up. Car doors opened and closed. And opened and closed. We heard the front door open and my husband started to yell that we were on the second floor and that the baby was coming. He was in the doorway, halfway between the stairs to where the midwife was and the room to where I was. Not wanting (or able) to delay my baby’s healthy birth anymore, I flipped onto all fours and let my baby be born. Seeing this progression, in slow motion I imagine, my husband lunged into the room and stretched his arms out to catch the baby as if he were a football in the air.

A successful catch, he laid the baby on the bed, allowing me to pick him up and gingerly uncoil the cord from his body. He gave a mighty cry and I hugged him. Our midwife stood there in the doorway giving instructions. I was grateful to her for not coming in to do things herself for fear my new baby would catch her cold. It was also very nice to complete the tasks ourselves, being able to really welcome and bond with our baby. He was chubby and splotchy. Not as pimply and wrinkly as his brother, but he had a squashed nose and humongous cheeks. He was quite happy to nurse and loved to be held.

Before long, a second midwife arrived. I was patched up while my son nursed, not needing as much work as the previous occasion. My husband called our families to greet our newest addition. When they arrived, my husband took him downstairs, greeting everyone by telling them he had a new profession as a doctor.

The Baby Proceedings took place in front of everyone. Our son was carefully weighed and measured, and his body and joints checked over. He was 7 lbs 14 oz and 20 ½ inches in length. He was very sturdy and still is to this day.
Finally, our first born son entered the room. He wanted to sit on my lap and watch the baby. He didn’t smile or ask what it was that was resting on my chest. My husband said he had a look that plainly said “I don’t like him” written on his face.

After all the congratulations and moments documented into memories, we realized that both our boys were born on Sundays and on the seventh day of the month, almost to within the hour, to a Mom with a belly full of McDonalds hamburgers. It was another lovely day.

Ages and Stages

Posted on by Martina Frost

The Ages and Stages Questionnaire (ASQ) is a tool used to look at children’s developmental skills and track important milestones. The tool is essentially a short test that describes actions and scenarios. Parents walk through the activities with their child and answer the questions based on how their child performs. It’s a great way to watch your child reach milestones and teach them new skills. The developmental areas included in the questionnaire are fine motor skills, gross motor skills, problem solving skills, communication skills, and personal-social skills. The questionnaire takes roughly 20 minutes to complete and is available from 2 to 60 months (from birth to kindergarten)!

I have been completing these developmental check-ups with my children at KARA since they were two months old. I love doing the ASQs with them, mostly because it’s a free, entertaining activity that boosts their self-esteem, but also because it’s important for me to know where practice is required. And I’m not the only one; my doctor completes a short one with them during their biannual check-ups. It’s incredibly important to catch developmental delays early, so both parents and healthcare professionals get involved! My boys are only three and one, but it’s not too early to think about elementary school. I want them to do well and keep up with their classmates. One way to accomplish that is to practice and to know what each ASQ area encompasses in order to complete activities that benefit my children.

Fine Motor Skills: This skill incorporates the use of small muscles, particularly in the hands and fingers, to accomplish tasks that require patience and concentration. Examples include a newborn grasping objects, a one year old holding a toy and changing it from one hand to the other, and a five year old using a crayon to draw a picture.

At Home: My three year old, Grizzly Bear, is currently working on learning how to hold a marker properly. He use to bunch his fingers like a fist around any stationary but after a few weeks of practice, he is now able to trace the numbers 1 through 10 while holding his marker between his index finger and thumb (Scholastic Write and Wipe Math Book – an absolutely fantastic book and
a great idea for Christmas)!

Gross Motor Skills: This skill encompasses the use of large muscles to complete tasks (and get into trouble)! Examples of these skills include a six month old learning to sit with support, a one year old pulling himself up to stand, and a three year old learning to hop or skip.

At Home: My younger son, Polar Bear, is learning (without much encouragement from me) to throw balls and climb into/onto furniture. My last blog on childproofing is being used to great effect here but I still wish there was a way to prevent myself from getting hit in the face unexpectedly with Mega Bloks Lego.

Problem Solving Skills: This skill encompasses a child’s ability to solve problems. Problem solving to a baby can be elusive to parents. Children have no problems, right? I quickly learned that a two month old that uses his hands and eyes to explore his new world is as much of an example of problem solving as a simple math equation is to a five year old!

At Home: Both of my boys were born problem solvers, from learning how to open cupboards from the bottom to help themselves to snacks, to uncovering the heat registers to shove the snacks into spaces where even Daddy can’t get to them. Only little encouragement is required at home to develop problem solving skills but one item that does help is a shape sorter! These toys are marvellous but do require encouragement as they aren’t easy to master at first and children can get discouraged. I found it’s best to use one that is also colour coded for easier mastery.

Communication: This skill includes the ability to use and understand language, another extremely important skill to have and not to be delayed. Examples of this skill include a 6 month old turning towards you when you call his name and a three year old telling you he has to use the potty.

At Home: Books, books, books. We read a variety of books everyday. My Grizzly Bear had a natural interest in books and took to them easily. When our second was born, we would include him in book time but we kept reading Grizzly Bear’s favourites. It’s no wonder that it took our Polar Bear a little while to warm up to them and through a little pause and think parenting, we realized we needed to separate book time between the two boys when Polar Bear became mobile. When we understood that our boys were going through different communication stages, we had to adapt our parenting strategies to match, even if it took a little longer to complete the bedtime routine. Polar Bear is now very content to sit and read flip-the-flap books while Grizzly Bear works on his Write-and-Wipe books. A win-win!
Personal-social Skills: This skill incorporates the ability to interact with others and self-control.

Examples of this developmental skill includes a two week old making eye-contact with Mom, a ten month old waving his chubby hand bye-bye, and a four year old taking turns in games. At Home: The most successful type of activity we do at home to build this skill in both kids is pretend play, and they love it! My Grizzly Bear is at the prime age for pretending to be a superhero, pouring Mommy an invisible cup of tea, finding superb spots for hide and seek, and building race cars out of thin air. His younger brother also gets so involved with the play that I’ve sat and waited for a make-believe smoothie for 25 minutes before all the right ingredients were blended and I got to make fake yummy noises. The key to helping children develop this skill is interaction and encouragement. A big cardboard box also works wonders too!

The ASQ is a wonderful tool and makes parent-led check-ups fun! Both of my boys passed most ASQ developmental areas each time, and the times they didn’t, we worked a little harder to bring them up to speed, having fun along the way. If you’d like to complete an ASQ with your child or simply want more information on the tool, KARA is readily available for questions and to help you complete the questionnaire. The wonderful staff have thousands of ideas on activities you and your child can do together to improve development, believe me! They incorporate their ideas into their programs everyday to help ready your children for their first days of school too!

Child Proofing

Posted on by Martina Frost

Like many Mom’s, I’m overconfident in my children’s understanding of what is okay to touch and what isn’t. In fact, when my second child arrived, my Polar Bear, I did very little to childproof my new home. I felt that children were inherently smart and that they could take most of what the world could dish out, especially in this modern-day age.

The truth is that childproofing will minimize your child’s chances of getting hurt, or worse. According to The National Center for Health Statistics, approximately 10.4 million children under three were admitted to emergency rooms in the United States as a result of household accidents in the last decade. The number one cause of injuries was attributed to falls and the number one cause of serious injuries resulting in death was attributed to furniture falling on the child. It’s no doubt that children need our protection. And the best way to protect is to prevent.

The Huffington Post Canada recommends using anchors rather than latches as effective solutions to preventing furniture from falling on loved ones. They recommend childproofing before children are mobile and state that getting on your hands and knees to explore your home from the child’s point of view really helps parents identify areas of concern.

The University of Alabama conducted a study where they arranged for first-time-moms of children aged 12 to 36 months to walk through scenarios and identify potential hazards. The study concluded that fewer than half the hazards were recognized. Parents Magazine put together their own project for readers to use to educate themselves; they incorporated drawings of typical households and circled potential hazards. I have included a few for reference and more can be found here: https://www.parents.com/toddlers preschoolers/safety/toddlerproofing/home-safe-home-childproofyour-
home-room-by-room/

It’s smart to be prepared for the worst, so I’ve compiled a short list of childproofing must-haves that are nearly universal. I’ve used these products before and can say with certainty that they helped protect my
children:

• Toilet lock – As you can plainly see, I didn’t invest in this must-have soon enough (Mommy was
• present through this adventure but it could have happened when I wasn’t there). Childproofing
• the toilet is extremely important and the toilet lock, any brand, is a must-have
• Bath spout covers – These nifty covers are to be placed over your tub spout to protect your baby’s
• head from the faucet
• Finger pinch guards – These guards are placed high up on doors (out of reach) and prevent doors
• from closing all the way, protecting fingers
• Tamper-proof plugs – Have a professional install these for you. I know it’s expensive but I can’t
• stress the importance of this must-have enough. Electricity and children don’t mix.
• Drawer and cupboard latches – These are what come to mind when most people think of
• childproofing. Common as they are, they should not be overlooked when making your home childfriendly.
• Baby gates – A pain to install and use but nothing compared to the pain a child feels when falling
• down stairs. This type of accident always results in a trip to the hospital so it’s crucial to have this
• must-have. Additionally, only hardware mounted gates are approved for stairs. Do not use
• pressure mounted gates as these can come loose and fall with your baby, adding extra danger to
• the situation.

If you need help determining the right childproofing gadgets for your unique home, please contact KARA. Additional tips and resources on childproofing can be obtained during programs or just having a chat with a wonderful staff member. They have years of experience and know quite a few talented handymen to
help make your home safe for your loved ones. All the best and stay safe!

Home Water Birth

Posted on by Martina Frost

“Why are we not in a hospital, why are we not in a hospital, oh why are we not in a hospital.” My husband told me he kept thinking these words over and over as I was in the depths of labour. It all started about nine months beforehand when we found out we were going to have our first child. I am an avid researcher, so even then, I was planning on how I was going to deliver our baby. It took a lot of dedication, including continual mental and physical exercise, and even more research. I would spent about two hours a day completing a meditation routine combined with walking, attended weekly prenatal classes, and read every positive home birth story I could get my hands on.

Nine months later, I was ready, or as ready as I could have been. My Midwife gave me one piece of critical information that I couldn’t have found in any book. When early contractions start, do not push it along, try to have a nap instead. She told me many women get up and walk around to help it progress, eager to meet their baby. Your body just isn’t ready at that moment, it’s prepping itself, and you will need the precious little energy your expending as you walk up and down stairs, trying to hurry things up, later. Most dearly, you will need it later.

I was ten days past my due date when it started. In those ten days, I went on two outings, a wedding and a trip to the farmers market. The rest of the time, I rested. Feelings of tightening had started happening
on the eighth day past due. For two days, I warded off labour with regular naps and gravol.

On the tenth day, I told my husband we needed to go into the city, to his Mom’s house, as I was now in labour. In the car on the way there, I had two contractions. They weren’t bad at all, totally manageable, so when my husband wanted to stop for McDonalds, I had no issues. He, on the other hand, regretted it entirely as we sat in a lengthy lineup. I recall him saying one thing to me that was just audible through the constant motion of wiping his face in anxiety, “God, I hope our baby isn’t ugly.” I burst out laughing.

At his Mom’s, which was vacant at the time, labour pressures increased. I recall crawling on my hands and knees and leaning on things during contractions. To those women I’d seen walking through contractions, I’ll never live up to you. These were hard. My husband kept bringing me ice creams and water. Ice cream, meditation, and breathing exercises were what I used, and they worked wonderfully. We called our Midwife twice. She talked on the phone with me and from my jokes and laughter, said it was still too early.

Apparently all love of the world is lost when you’re really in labour, and as far as she could tell, I wasn’t in enough pain to stop making jokes. So we waited. I asked my husband to pour the bath. It was pleasant being in there. I had a small tablet and watched my favourite funny show in the dark from the safety of the warm water. As contractions came, I would wake from my reverie, but otherwise, I was able to meditate myself into a shallow sleep between them. This went on for a few more hours. My husband came to check on me a few times and, when I was in enough pain to start crying, he called the midwife (with a little too much ferocity in his voice). She came rather quickly and once there, moved with lightning speed. She had never been to the house before but seemed to know her way around. I could hear her stripping the bed, laying down towels, preparing her equipment, and even moving small furniture.

She came to see me a few times between her prepping. She checked the baby’s heartbeat and happily told me that my baby didn’t even seem to know it was time to be born, that he was as comfortable to go through labour as I was uncomfortable with it. She told me I had to lay on my right side for a few contractions, so that I would be effaced on both sides (I had been labouring on my left side only). She told me I had to try to use the toilet. I tried twice with no success. The second time, I had the strongest, most painful contraction I’d ever experienced (both labours combined). It caused my water to break.

My husband quickly helped me back into the tub. He has a very good poker face as he looked at me with the utmost calming expression before telling me he would be right back. On the other side of the door, I heard him tell the Midwife that he could feel the baby’s head. She came back into the room hurriedly to check. Indeed, our baby was right there, and I felt like pushing. Every time I did though, I would instinctively slam my legs together to prevent the pain, pushing my baby back up. My Midwife would encourage me to try again, and each time, I forced my legs to slam shut, repeating the whole process that my baby and I were enduring together. After these failed attempts at willfully birthing my baby on my own, she eventually told my husband to hold my legs open. Out popped our baby’s head, under the water. I couldn’t see him, but my Midwife told me he was there. I recall greeting him, “Hello Baby.”

One more contraction and he was out and on my chest. He was quiet at first, so my Midwife kind of poked him with her finger, making sure his mouth was clear and he let out a wail. We all rejoiced!

The entire (and new) family moved to one of the bedrooms, the one that had been stripped and prepped. We called our families to announce the baby had arrived in the wee hours of the morning. My Midwife did a quick check of our son’s vitals, after which, she gave me no warning before she plopped the baby on to my chest to nurse. What an odd sensation. Our families arrived and my husband brought the baby to see them so I could have a bit of privacy to get fixed up. Yes indeed, labour takes a toll on the body and I felt a little like Frankenstein as I was patched up. I was a new woman, my Midwife told me. I didn’t feel very new, but was happy all the same. Our families then came to join me as we watched what I call the Baby Proceedings. The Midwife weighed and measured our baby, checked his muscles, joints, mouth, eyes, and tested his blood. He weighed 8 lbs 5 oz. and was 21 ¾” in length. I recall looking over to my Mom and seeing her eyes bulge at the news. She later told me that as far as she new, no woman in our family had ever birthed a baby that big.

The baby was laid to sleep in a crib beside my bed. My Midwife congratulated me and told me I was one of the fastest first timers she’d ever had. She also told me that in these next few hours, I would need to sleep. That many women feel the desire to watch their sleeping baby rather than sleep themselves. She left, promising to return in a few days to check us all again. As my husband laid down next to me, both of us trying to get some sleep, we both found ourselves turning towards our son, watching him snooze peacefully beside us. It was wonderful to fall in love so quickly. At the time, he was the most beautiful child we had ever seen. He was bald and wrinkled, with splotches of pink on his skin. Indeed, he was a little ugly.

Sibling Rivalry

Posted on by Martina Frost

As a parent of two, I sometimes worry that my children will encounter/experience sibling rivalry. My
children have fairly opposite personalities; while one is fairly shy and contemplative, the other is
boisterous and affectionate. But they both experience jealousy and have a temper to match that of a wild animals.

I do sometimes see one physically or emotionally hurt the other. And I know there is no stopping these
experiences; as a child, I endured it myself, and have relayed stories to those who have shared their sibling rivalry anecdotes with me. They tend to be the most hilarious stories to share. My children are young and have constant supervision in which intervention is continual, so fighting is fleeting, and effects are not permanent, but rather educational. I find it’s easy to teach them to be gentle and have empathy when they are so young, so I use these moments as a tool to prevent future fighting that could have bigger impacts. After all, it’s going to happen either way, so I use them to my Mommy advantage.

Why Children Fight:
· To get attention from their parents (“surely making my brother cry will get my mom to stop
cooking that horrible supper and pick me up”)
· To feel powerful (“I rarely have any say in what I eat or when I sleep but I can impose my
superiority over something that barely moves more than a potted plant”)
· Boredom (“annoying my brother while he is trying to watch his favourite show is so much more
fun than playing with the same old toys again”)
· To release energy (“why run when I can jump on someone who isn’t expecting it, from a great
height of course”)

What Children Learn from Fighting:
· They learn to manage, cope, and survive power struggles (“he won this round… but I’ll be back”)
· They learn to resolve conflicts by being open, communicative, sharing, and taking responsibility
for one’s actions (“I’m responsible for breaking the toy and he is responsible for my black eye”)
· They learn to be assertive and to stand up for themselves (“excuse me, I believe that’s my Barbie
Playdoh play set you are stealing”)
· They learn to negotiate and compromise (“okay, you take the heat for smearing diaper cream all
over the room and I’ll give you half of my dessert”)

Through general parenting (or lack of parenting skills I should say), I’ve learning fighting can be influenced by physical factors such as hunger, illness, and fatigue. Addressing these needs often has a happy outcome, especially for the child experiencing the wrath of their grouchy sibling. My younger child, my Polar Bear, is a feisty little guy and will assert dominance over toys, often tackling his older brother while he isn’t looking to obtain them. However, my more docile child, my Grizzly Bear, can become very troublesome when tired. He often becomes giddy and flat out ignores rules, particularly the rule about jumping off of furniture.

This usually ends with Polar Bear getting squashed as his brother finds new ways
to entertain himself. Children grow through phases where fighting has different effects on them as they view the world differently through each stage.

Preschoolers
· These little tykes live in a dog-eat-dog world in which there is lots of fighting and parents must
intervene frequently

Young School-aged Children
· These impressionable minds adhere to a new rule, you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, and
parents intervene less and less

Older School-aged Children
· This law and order stage is a society where the children themselves use rules to guide actions and
determine fairness and parents, well, relax

High School and Beyond
· Yes, they have a human conscience now and resolve conflicts with techniques learned in earlier
phases (they still make poor decisions regarding safety and finances)

As my children are still both preschoolers, living in their dog-eat-dog world, it’s in my and my husband’s
nature to be in constant supervision mode. However, it’s important for us to remember that these first
five years are the foundation in which they will build the rest of their lives. I can’t stop, only teach.

Some Helpful Tips
· Encourage communication and understanding of feelings; help your children develop a sense of
empathy and respect for their siblings’ feelings
· Teach them how to resolve problems and let them know you believe they can be creative about
finding solutions
· Treat your children as the unique individuals that they are; if they are energetic and boisterous,
teach them to ask for high-fives rather than become physical; if they are sensitive and
communicative, teach them to strike conversations and make deals rather than scream
· Stay out of arguments that are harmless bickering, but don’t walk away; supervise the solutions
that they develop so that you can praise and encourage them And try to enjoy the young years full of bickering children, after all, these are the foundational years.

Remember how they learned these skills because they will be using them for the rest of their lives!

Mom of a “Boys Club”

Posted on by Martina Frost

As many women do when finding out the sex of their babies, I experienced a level of gender disappointment. My first child’s gender was a mystery during pregnancy. After the birth, I recall seeing a little willy and being slightly shocked that I had carried a boy for nine months without knowing it. During the 20 week ultrasound with my second pregnancy, we found out the gender.

My husband and I both felt the pains of realizing we would never have a daughter. Gender disappointment, to any level, makes parents feel guilty and ashamed to admit it. It’s not that the love you feel for a baby of either gender differs, it’s that the future you envisioned for your family is now a little different.

Growing up in a family of girls (and one boy), had me envisioning another family of girls. And even as I fell madly in love with my little boys, I felt a little apprehensive and like a fish out of water in this family of men. So, I took out some books on parenting boys and it turns out, I belong to a very special club, the Mom of Boys Club.

It turns out there were hundreds of books on being the mom of only boys, a little piece of knowledge that made my heart swell knowing that I was now part of a unique society. Additionally, each piece I read made me feel like I had special children, fiery children, children that make me look and feel stronger than I’ve ever been.

Ten Things I Love About Boys (and Being a Mom of Boys)

Boys are Fiery
As the picture leading you to this blog dictates, boys have a fiery disposition. Not that girls don’t have spirit too; I’ve seen many girls throw on a good show. But boys jump right into the middle of danger to right all wrongs. They grab their swords and fight to the death!

Pranks and Jokes
Sure, men sometimes forget to call their Moms on their birthdays. I used to worry about this when I had my boys but then I recalled all the random prank calls I get from my nephew. They are just hilarious and admittedly better than a birthday wish. Even my young boys tend to love playing jokes. My Grizzly Bear continuously hides under blankets and behind potted plants to jump out and scare passersby. As he gets older, I can’t wait to see what he comes up with.

Extra Tough Play
My boys are still really little yet they play rougher than I ever did at any age. It used to make me jump in and intervene (save the baby!) but as I live day to day watching them jump off couches on to their unsuspecting victims, I sit back and watch with pride. I know that I can protect them from the world, but not from their brother.

For extra info on why rough play is important for kids, visit TodaysParent:
https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/roughhousing-aggressive-or-constructive-behaviour/

The Protective Instinct
Boys are naturally protective. As we travel to the park daily, there is always the group of kids that want to pet our pup, Wylie. My Grizzly Bear plants his feet squarely and stands guard to supervise, continuously telling newcomers they have to be gentle.

The Gentle Touch
Boys can be surprisingly emotional and snuggly. The snuggles I get from my Polar Bear are just addictive. Plain and simply. He runs with open arms and collapses into my body. After MINUTES of just laying limply in my arms, he then nuzzles into my neck like a new puppy. Picking him up from dayhome is a tad embarrassing.

The Funny Noises They Make
Like anything with a digestive system, boys make horrifying sounds as gas passes through their bodies. The difference here is that instead of going red in the face and politely excusing oneself, boys burst into a fit of giggles and try to make it happen again. And again. And they egg each other on.

My House is Never Quiet
Along with their fiery spirit, boys never stop yelling. There’s never the gentle whisper that isn’t followed by the mischievous look in their eyes that lets you know they’re about to yell seconds after. In fact, if I tell them it’s quiet time, the volume just increases which makes it always feel like we’re having a party!

They Never Stop Moving
Back in my child free days, I worked weekends at KARA. The program always had about half a dozen girls and two boys. The Mom of these two boys now works at KARA too (Rosie) and I’ll never forget the smiles she tried to hide while pretending not to feel the floor shaking as her boys chased each other through the building. The girls, including myself, would all be colouring quietly and the entertainment would just be included for free without lifting a finger.

Boys Look Up to Their Dads
I’m sure everyone learns best through experience but I’m convinced the saying was made for young boys. Because they work hard to do what their Dad does and make him proud. With the amount of times I’ve tried to keep my youngsters out of the garage, where we keep all the tools, we’ve actually had to put up a baby gate so they can continually watch what he is making/doing. “No Mommy, I don’t want to see what you’re doing in the kitchen, just pass me that DeWalt pistol grip electric drill.”

Make Mom Look Like Superman
Lastly, when I step out of the house with two boys and a dog, I look like a superhero and get regular comments on it. “Wow, you have your hands full!” Passersby are always so impressed by me that it makes me feel good. And I know it’s true, I am a superhero.

So my boys are tough and strong and make me tough and strong. For a woman that has never belonged to a tough and strong club before, I’m glad to be part of the Mom of Boys Club.

Reading for beginners

Posted on by Martina Frost

Ah, the wonderful sound of silence that creeps throughout the house when a book falls open at a favourite page. That’s the moment in the evening that most parents wait all day for. The moment when you know it’s nearing your child’s bedtime and the busy little bodies stop being busy for a split second to see The Very Hungry Caterpillar turn into a beautiful butterfly.

My two Little Bears are busy all day long and continue to run, jump, yell, and destroy possessions even during our mandated book time. But we push forward with book time and do whatever is necessary to get them involved in reading because of how important it is for brain development.

Three years ago, a study on the importance of reading was conducted at the Cincinnati Children’s Medical Hospital, where 19 preschoolers between 3-5 years (37% from low income families) underwent MRI scans while listening to their parents read a story to them through headphones, with no visual stimuli. The study showed that greater home reading exposure (reading for short periods often) was associated with the ability to “see the story beyond the pictures, affirming the invaluable role of imagination.” They could actually see the part of the brain responsible for imagination increase in function while the children listened to a story. They concluded that early reading allows children to easily transition from books with pictures to books without pictures due to the neuron pathways built in this portion of the brain.

Another study, a 50 yearlong study conducted at Edinburgh University starting in 1958, followed 17,000 seven year olds in England, Scotland, and Wales. The study proved the connection between reading well and future job success. Because of the massive sample size (so many seven year olds), they determined that engaged readers from households with fewer material advantages (lower income families) routinely outperformed less engaged readers from families with many material advantages. It doesn’t matter how many books you have, just read them!

Additionally, Leonard Sax, a well-known psychiatrist and physician, states gender also plays a gigantic role on the outcomes of a child’s life, and boys tend to fair less than their gender counterparts. From Grade 3 through to Grade 12, there is a literacy gap between boys and girls. Boys tend to drop out of school more often, attend post-secondary school less often, get poorer scores than girls, and have greater behavioural and addiction problems. Leonard Sax attributes these differences to video games, particularly violent video games, and has numerous studies to back up his theory.

Having two boys myself, I wanted to know the antidote to Doom and Grand Theft Auto, and it turns out it’s reading! Reading fiction especially, as the astounding benefits come from empathizing with the characters’ hopes, dreams, joys, and downfalls. Through empathy, reading increases social functioning because literature doesn’t just help children learn emotions, but experience emotions, a form of practice for later life. With greater social functioning, comes greater control and desire to achieve.

The Edmonton Public Library has tips on how and when to read to youngsters:
• Read at least once a day when your child/children are in a cuddly mood
• Read for any length of time but short, positive reading sessions are much more valuable than long ones
• Repetition deepens understanding so read favourite books over and over (and over)
• Engage children by reading to exaggerated voices, acting out stories, and switching voices for different characters
• Read books that incorporate interaction – kissy/cuddly books are my favourite, dancing books are Grizzly Bear’s favourite (my 3 year old), and flip-the-flap books are my Polar Bear’s favourite (my 1 year old)

For more resources, understanding, ideas or tips on reading to young ones, please visit KARA and register in our Literacy and Parenting Skills or Books for Babies programs. Your public library will also have information and programs regarding the importance of reading to infants and preschoolers.

To check out the studies listed above, follow the links below (but try to mix in some fiction reading too)!
https://www.google.ca/amp/s/neurosciencenews.com/mri-early-reading-brain-activity-1996/amp/
https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/jerry-diakiw/reading-and-life-success_b_16404148.html

Separation Anxiety

Posted on by Martina Frost

I went back to work early with each of my children. With my Grizzly Bear, I returned to work at 10 months and with Polar Bear, 5 months. Each time, I was anticipating returning to work and leaving my children in the care of their allomother (see Blog 5), so I prepared myself, as well as my children, for the eventuality of separation anxiety.

I found, through research and attending KARA’s Grow With Me program, that separation anxiety was a wonderful developmental milestone that all children go through when developing the awareness of object permanence and apprehension to new situations. I know what you’re thinking, did you just read the word “wonderful”? Is this woman out of her mind? My child screaming and clinging to my body while other people pry him off so I can dash to my car is wonderful?

Let me be frank. My children never experienced the type of separation anxiety that you hear about. The ones that make you anxious and dread the day you need to drop your kids off somewhere. I’d like to say it’s because I’m a phenomenal mother or because I raised my little Bears to trust the entire world around them (which would actually be more frightening tome) but probably more likely that genetics played a role or that their dayhome allomother is a better caregiver than I am… (something else I’d like not to think about) so let’s get back to it!

Because I did experience an over the top, sweat behind your knees, and cringe in anticipation separation anxiety disorder the likes of which you’ve probably never dealt with, for a grand total of five years. Yes, five years. My experience with separation anxiety story occurred before doing my research and attending Grow With Me.

Before knowing that object permanence means that “Mom still exists but she isn’t here!? Where did she go? Did she just leave me here? If I scream loud enough, she’ll hear me and come back, right!?” Or before knowing children are genetically apprehensive of the new and that recognition is a huge component to cognitive development, so if I change my hair colour,the child is thinking “I don’t know this person! She looks completely different than yesterday!

This is not good, it’s just not good and she’s dead wrong if she thinks she can pull off black hair!”If you’ve guessed that my black hair phase was right in the middle of my babysitter career, you’d be correct. I babysat a child (and his siblings) for five years during my undergrad. And this littleboy loved his Mommy. In a way, I’m actually jealous. My Canadian Bears never put on a show of love like that. But I’m also grateful, because that child went through a turmoil of emotions each and every day.His Mom would call me up and ask if I had time to watch them for just a few short hours here and there, it was never a full-time gig.

She also would invite me over for help so she could complete chores around the house. This would also entail her going outside for a cigarette, where she’d only be absent for a few minutes, but the briefness of the absence didn’t seem to matter.Her child would shake the house with his displeasure. After a while, even the sight of me would trigger the anticipation of his mother leaving, and silent tears would start to role down his face hours before she would leave.I’m sure you can pick out the wrong strategies his mother and I used from these small windows now. As it wasn’t full-time and the days/hours were never consistent, the child never developed a sense of routine. It was always sprung on him and we never gave him time to adjust. When his mother would go outside to smoke, he could still see her through the window. The “out of sight,out of mind” combined with distraction practice that many of us use didn’t apply here.

Furthermore, seeing me well in advance of his mother leaving the house, lingering and anxious herself, never sat well in his tummy.Still, we had our fun with playing hide and seek, crafts, taking walks, and watching his favourite programs. You may think that five years of separation anxiety is a bit extreme but I know for a fact that they were able to overcome it because I still babysit them from time to time (althoughher youngest pretty much babysits mine while I have a lie down). And I know that their bond is undeniably strong.

Just this past weekend, their Mom told me “My youngest son brings me soup, he is my sweetest,my oldest daughter talks with me, she is my confidant, but he, he is enduring with love.”If you want more information and tips on how to make separation with your young child easier on both of you, I strongly recommend Parents Canada magazine and KARA’s Grow With Me free drop-in program. Parents Canada is full of advice from experts and their information on separation anxiety stems directly from the University of Toronto and pediatricians. I use ParentsCanada for research on behavioural patterns of children, mostly to see what stages my children are coming to next. They also have fantastic recipes.

The Grow With Me program I attended at KARA during both of my maternity leaves was educational and inspiring. The ladies that facilitated that program introduced me to the importance of routines and being honest with my children. The do’s and don’ts really did work as I sought the perfect dayhome for my kids. If you and your child are struggling with separation, give these two resources a try; they won’t disappoint you!

Bedtime Routines

Posted on by Martina Frost

When I first started researching bedtime routines (I was probably halfway along in my first pregnancy) I found some pretty interesting information. I knew that my husband and I wanted to include reading (at least twenty minutes a night), bathing (who doesn’t want to wash and pamper a little newborn?), and cuddling up with a little tune (I was very excited for this part!).

So, I checked out the information at hand. What I learned through googling, reading Alberta Health Care books, and talking with friends and family, albeit informational, nowhere near provided me for the little Grizzly Bear I was about to bring home. The rest of my three years of parental insight came from plain, old, on-the-job, firsthand experience – something every parent should remember.

What I did learn through research provided me with two tidbits of information that were extremely helpful; don’t start any routine that you don’t want to continue doing until you have a teenager and don’t bathe your baby too often.

The first one made sense right away. I certainly didn’t want to complete an hour-long ritual for bedtime or deal with a tantrum every night I’m unable to complete the routine. The second one made sense to me, as I’d studied microbiology in college. It didn’t make sense to my husband, so I explained: the societal mentality on cleanliness eradicates necessary microbes from our bodies, leaving room for pathogens.

Simply put, if I wash my son every day, the little microbes that are on his skin, the good microbes that I introduced to him by birthing him, breastfeeding him, and kissing him, would be continually under attack from the bath time wash cloth, leaving them unable to battle for space against new, potentially harmful microbes. So, we limited baths to twice a week, one bath with soap, the other with water, and occasional ones whenever he was actually dirty. This also worked with our busy lifestyle, especially when we introduced our little Polar Bear into the mix, making life just that much busier.

On-the-job training, with no manager, supervisor, or foreman available for questioning, was a bit different. Obviously, we let our baby be a baby, we fed him when he woke, cuddled him continuously, and read to him occasionally.

When our baby became a toddler (one year, yay!) we were so excited to start doing the actual bedtime routine and have him SLEEP THROUGH THE
NIGHT. We did as we intended from the beginning, we read to him for twenty minutes, cuddled him while singing a short lullaby, and then plopped him in his crib with a few soft toys.

We didn’t do anything we didn’t want to do every night for the foreseeable future. We didn’t cuddle him until he fell asleep, we didn’t wait outside his room to listen to his snoring, and we didn’t give in to his demands (unless he cried for more than 20 minutes as directed by pediatricians). As Grizzly Bear
grew older and started climbing out of his crib, we moved him to a toddler bed.

He was afforded more toys and books to help him fall asleep. We learned quickly that only board books survived his curiosity and that skinny ones could be shoved under the door, making for interesting clean up in the morning. As he grew older still, his demands became more coherent and adorable than
the pitched crying we used to hear.

“Mommy, my teeth are still dirty, I need to brush them.”
“Mommy, I was crying because I wanted a drink.”
“Mommy, I just wanted to go with you to get a slurpilee.”
“Mommy, there’s a poop in there. And my feet are stinky.”
“Sweetie, Mommy has to sleep too you know.”

These demands were harder to ignore because we knew what favorite toy he was asking for, we knew which favorite cup he wanted to drink water from, we knew which book made him the happiest, etc. However, we also knew that he knew we would only come back once to do whatever task he needed, so he’d better pick a long and arduous one.

Bedtime routines, psychological warfare, whatever you want to call it, it’s a very precious time, especially for those parents that work or only see their kids for short periods of time. Even though I’m tired at the end of the day, I like reading my son his favorite book for the eighth time. But not the ninth, because Mommy needs to sleep too.

Allomothers

Posted on by Martina Frost

Perhaps you’ve set out to find the perfect day home or daycare for your sprouting children. If you’re like me, or any other parent for that matter, you’re looking for perfection, the best of the best. You know the one I mean; it has a brightly coloured, toy filled room, an impressive art supply collection, a fabulous outdoor space complete with a sandbox, over fifty children’s books, and, of course, a one-of-kind allomother.

If you’re not familiar with that term, an allomother is any caregiver that is not the biological parent. Any person in your family that regularly looks after your child is an allomother. They can be aunties, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers, or friends. Allomothering is a phenomenon seen through history and is also common in other mammal and bird species. It has and always will be a key component to your child’s upbringing. It takes a village to raise a child and your dayhome attendant is a very important allomother.

I searched incessantly for the perfect person to be part of my children’s upbringing. I needed someone with the same values as me within an affordable price range. This was the process I went through to find the perfect allomother for my Little Bears.

I started by searching the web on what to look for. I knew I needed to interview potential allomothers and I wanted to know what qualities I should look for, what questions I should ask, and what kinds of environments would be best suited to my children’s ages. This is a brief list of what I found:

  • Ask what kind of food they serve on a daily basis and what they sometimes get (don’t phrase the question “what do you normally serve”)
    Be sure to get a tour of the environment, particularly asking to see where the children sleep.
  • Ask what the child/caregiver ratio is and bring up scenarios such as bathroom breaks.
  • Ask what kind of scenarios warrant a time-out and what other specific forms of discipline are used.
  • Confirm that they are the type of facility they are claiming to be and that everyone involved in childcare has their First Aid.

Now, this is just a list of the resonating points that repeated in almost every search I completed. Different childcare qualities may apply to your family based on your and your children’s needs. These may include allergies, extra naps, picky eaters, vacations, sick days, prices, outdoor time, vaccinations, and/or extended hours.

For me, I was even bold enough to ask if they had ever committed a crime such as child abandonment or assault. I knew I had to be extraordinarily comfortable with the place I was leaving my children, so I wasn’t afraid to flip over every rock to get my piece of mind.

The next task I undertook was researching day homes and daycares near me and my place of work. I googled reviews and asked family, friends, KARA staff, and internet strangers if they knew of childcare places nearby and what they thought of them. It was nice to chat with everyone and gain their insight. A few of them did refer me to places, where I completed the last leg of my journey.

Now, this last piece of the project took effort, much more effort, as I was now traveling to and from potential day homes and daycares and conducting interviews, with my children in tow. And it was a lot of interviews, twelve to be exact. I saw all kinds of day homes and daycares alike. I saw ones with no outdoor environment, ones where children greatly exceeded the number of child care attendants, ones that were dirty with used bandaids on the floor, ones where the caregiver seemed to be constantly yelling to be heard over the volume of a TV, ones that transitioned children to one nap when they weren’t ready, ones where children slept on the floor in a pile, and ones where I could tell the caregivers didn’t like looking after kids all day.

At the end of it all, I learned it takes a special kind of person to be an allomother all day, everyday, to many different children. A kind hearted person with a sort of gentle grace. It also taught me something about myself and what I wanted to find. As well as being a safe place, I dreamed of the sweetest girl to reflect the same environment I had at home, complimented by a wonderfully soft voice to laugh and play with my children. Dreams don’t always come true, but mine did. Yes, fortunately, my hard work paid off and I found a dayhome that was exactly what I wanted. It was also close to KARA. A dream come true and the piece of mind I needed.

If you are reading this and happen to be actively searching for the perfect allomother, I suggest asking around. Friends, family, internet strangers and KARA staff are all good resources as they may once have been, or currently are, in your shoes. Your child’s age and needs, and your needs too, should all be considered. Never be afraid to ask the bold questions. After all, you’re looking for your child’s allomother.